They leave, and the house comes alive. Well, that’s not entirely true. Sometimes things wake up when they’re home, but they never seem to notice, or care. So of course all the work is left up to me. It always is.
My parents have no idea about the constant barrage of mayhem and hyjinx that they’d have to endure if I wasn’t always on my toes, heading off the nasty creatures before they can cause too much damage. Today, however, was an exception, and I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m going to be the one that gets the blame.
She left a little while after he did, not sure how long, but they were definitely getting restless by the time that she locked the door behind her. Don’t get me started on the unnecessarily long absences they take on a daily basis.
Anyway, she left and the little monsters went wild. Swinging from light fixtures, stealing metal coins, singing loudly and drinking heavily as they did their best to destroy the place. So I started my paces.
First- to the kitchen! If I don’t get to the top of the humming food box before they do, they start creating dust bunnies out of thin air, and it usually takes me a whole afternoon to round them up and scare them back into individual particles. That’s if I can catch them before they start to reproduce. Trust me, you do not want to see them go at it. And you won’t have to. Not today, anyway.
Onward, to the top of the tallest tower! You wouldn’t believe how much better I can see everything (and everyone) from up there. They think they can hide. Across the hall I could see them, darting around in the carpet, looking for havoc to wreak. It was time to pounce.
Got one! The others scattered, turning to beams of light in their desperation to escape. One shot across the ceiling to hide behind the blades of the fan. I could hear another banging around inside the bathroom cupboard. The last one shot into their bedroom, and I made a spit second decision. They love their bed.
I was in the room before the tiny thing could find a proper place to hide, so it turned to face me with a sneer.
We charged at the same time, though I have no earthly idea what the little guy thought he could do to me. He turned to a shining golden pinprick, hurtling towards my face, and then suddenly he was nowhere. I felt something moving around through my fur, up my back and towards my ears. I yelped and jumped high in the air, twisting my body around in an attempt to dislodge him. Landing (on my feet) on the bed, I started rolling around, somewhat spastically I have to admit. But the sensation was intolerable.
Blankets flew left and right, but I finally squished him. I heard the tiniest squeal and saw him stagger away, towards the closet.
Then came the footsteps, outside. One of them came home early, and a million tiny lights scurried off to the darkest corners of the house.
I looked around. The room was a mess, but the room is always a mess, so that should be fine. I started to calm down, until a white ball of fuzz caught my eye. Shit! How could I have been so reckless?
Her pillow (not just any pillow either, but her favorite one that she uses every night, the one that he steals the second that she gets up to go to work) was all over the place, the covering torn open by something that looked suspiciously like my claws.
The doorknob rattled and I had seconds to decide- adorable or invisible. If only I knew who was at the door! I strained my ears and heard a faint humming. Her, it’s definitely her. Adorable it was.
I ran into the living room and curled into a ball on the floor, ready to look up at her with the widest eyes I can muster.
The doorknob turned and she stepped inside. I meowed a soft hello, trying to convey how much I missed her in the tiniest, most pitiful sound I can manage.
I’ve done all I can do. Let’s see how this goes.
Inspired by the most adorable monster hunter in all the land: